Added: Carmon Constance - Date: 05.02.2022 13:22 - Views: 37343 - Clicks: 9434
At some point in every marriage the person you felt you couldn't live without becomes the person you actually do live with--and that's when you really find out if you married the right person. By no means are the following the only aspects of a marriage that are important: physical attraction, intimacy, trust, a shared sense of humor And they're definitely s that you married the right person, because the right person supports and helps you personally, professionally, and in helping to make your dreams come true.
Since I'm a straight guy, I wrote this from my perspective--hence "she"--but none of the following is gender specific. When there's bad news, your spouse is the first person you want to tell But what about when something bad happens--and especially if that "something bad" is in some way your fault?
If you've married the right person, though, that is the first conversation you want to have: You know she'll listen, commiserate, empathize I have a really bad habit I'm trying to overcome. Actually I have plenty of bad habits; this is just one. I often agree to do something way off in the future A therapist could probably have a field day figuring out why I do that.
So invariably I'll say something like, "You know, I don't think I want to go [somewhere] after all Instead of saying something that I already know, like, "You always do this. Just suck it up and go," or, "People are going to be disappointed if you don't go," my wife smiles and says, "I really hope you go. You'll have fun. You always learn things and meet cool people. And later, you're always glad when you do [that]. What can I do to help you get ready? In short, she doesn't make me feel bad for wanting to back out. She knows that's how I am, and instead of criticizing me, she's supportive and helps me work through it.
The right person knows there are things about you that you want to change, but they don't expect them to change overnight. They're willing, for as long as it takes, to help you work through your quirks. Showing patience is an under-appreciated way to show genuine confidence in your spouse--because it shows that, no matter the current struggles or issues, you truly believe in him.
When I first changed careers, I really struggled. I worked impossible hours just to scratch out a semblance of the income I once generated. But every time I talked about giving up, my wife kept me centered by gently reminding me that all the work I was doing would pay off if I stayed the course. I still work long hours, but the reward is much greater--and I've figured out how to have a lot of fun doing what I do. No success is overnight. That's why, when your spouse is patient with you--while also encouraging you to work hard--you can sometimes achieve things you never imagined possible.
Researchers at Washington University in St. Louis found that people with relatively prudent and reliable partners tend to perform better at workearning more promotions, making more money, and feeling more satisfied with their jobs. That's true for men and women: "Partner conscientiousness" predicted future job satisfaction, income, and likelihood of promotion, even after factoring in the participants' level of conscientiousness. Check this out for more on how a good partner sets a good example and makes it possible for you to become a better you. Your spouse doesn't talk about you ; they talk about the cool things you do.
We all know people who openly badmouth their spouse: complaining about what their partner does or doesn't docriticizing their partner's decisions, questioning their partner's judgment, or work ethic, or manners, or When you love--and respect--the person you married, you don't gossip about their personal failings. You talk about their great qualities because you're happy for them Or, more likely, you don't say anything at all, unless asked, because quiet pride is the best pride of all.
Your spouse knows you well enough to have the ideas you should have had and you love when they do. A few years ago, I was in Nashville for Inc. The day Mark Cuban appeared, one young man spent the entire day manning the green room door. I started to feel sorry for him; here he was at this cool conference and yet he was stuck in a chair guarding a door in a lonely hallway. So I stopped to talk. He was surprisingly happy about doing that job but mentioned that he would love to meet Mark Cuban.
I didn't say so, but I knew that would never happen: Cuban's time was tightly scheduled, plus local and national media were angling for time. The constant crowd of people wanting something from him would make that impossible. A little later I called my wife and mentioned that the volunteer hoped to meet Mark. She said, "You can make that happen. Why don't you try? When you've married the wrong person, you both care more about who had the idea than the idea itself. The right person knows enough about your work, your goals, your dreams, and the kind of person you want to be to offer ideas you haven't considered.
And when they do, you never feel like they're telling you what to do or meddling in your business You just appreciate that they care enough to want to help you. You feel your spouse listens more than they talk and they feel the same way about you. The right person is a master of Social Jiujitsu, the ancient art of getting you to talk about yourself without you ever knowing it happened.
It's easy. They ask the right questions, staying open-ended and allowing room for description and introspection. Asking the right questions, and then listening closely, shows they respect your thoughts, your opinions They care more about doing something with you than whatever you actually do. If you don't know there's a difference--and you don't feel the same way about your spouse--then you didn't marry the right person. You only have to think about what you want to say, not how you need to say it.
We all manage up, or sideways, or down, choosing our words carefully in order to frame an idea, or a suggestion, or feedback, or constructive criticism Oftentimes, in professional or personal settings, we feel we need to think more about how we want to say something than the essence of what we need to say. When you've married the right person, you don't think about how you want to say something. You just say it, partly because you know they will understand Your spouse cares a lot more about finding what's right than being right.
Oftentimes, people in a relationship take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard their partner's opinions or points of view. They know they're right--and they want actually, they need their spouse to know it, too.
The right person doesn't mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And if they feel your point of view is better, they're secure enough to back down graciously Asking for help instantly conveys respect. Without actually saying it, you've said, "You know more than I do.
What you've said is, "I respect you. More importantly, though, asking for help instantly conveys trust because it shows vulnerability. When you ask for help, you admit to a weakness. That means what you've really said is, "I trust you. Asking for help isn't a of weakness. It's a of strength--especially in your relationship.
When one person makes a mistake--especially a major mistake--it's easy for their partner to forever view them through the lens of that mistake. Or to use that mistake as ammunition in disagreements or arguments. When you've married the right person, you see living proof that to forgive may be divine, but to forget can be even more divine. I have a need to be liked, probably to an unhealthy degree.
In this business, that's not always a good thing, but my wife encouraged me to not only embrace what others might see as a failing but also to use it to my advantage.
For example, I don't like to write negative things about people, products, or companies. So I don't. I work hard to find people who are smart, talented, successful, insightful If I write about someone, that means I like and respect them. In short, if I can't say anything good, I don't say anything.
My wife doesn't expect me to be something I'm not. She just helps me be a better version of who I am. Great business teams win because their most talented members are willing to sacrifice to make others happy. Great teams are made up of employees who help each other, know their roles, set aside personal goals, and value team success over everything else.
The same is true for great marriages. The right person doesn't resent your success, doesn't begrudge your success, doesn't need to claim a share of the spotlight The right person believes, without thinking, that a portion of their happiness comes from seeing their spouse succeed.
And that means they not only celebrate your success--they help you achieve it. Your spouse never makes you say something like, "I talked her into coming My wife and I were standing beside Morgan Spurlock who I will interview in the near future for an Inc. Some people would have answered, "She's not really a Metallica fan, so I had to talk her into coming, and if they're late I'll feel worse.
I didn't need to say that. I didn't even think about saying that.
My wife isn't a Metallica fan but she knew I really wanted to go, so she never made me feel like she was doing me a favor, or that I owed her, and she wouldn't have complained if the trip and the show hadn't turned out well.Married looking to comiserate
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Married looking to comiserate